Navigating Your First Holiday Season as a Co-Parent
Divorce isn’t ever easy, but it’s even more painful when you try to navigate your first holiday season after a split. You may have shared traditions you can no longer enjoy, memories that are now hard to think about, and children who don’t understand what’s going on. But while this first year can bring a lot of uncertainty, it’s also your chance to start paving a new road—one with new traditions and memories you’ll look back on fondly.
Working through divorce during this time of year can be difficult, and having the right divorce law firm behind you is essential. At Milligan, Beswick, Levine & Knox, LLP, we help clients like you work through some of the hardest periods of their lives. Many of our family law clients see attorney Stephen P. Levine, who brings decades of experience to every case he takes. Schedule a consultation with one of our divorce lawyers in California by calling us now at 909-894-0812.
Review Your Custody or Parenting Plan Early
First, make sure you know exactly what to expect this holiday season. Whether you’re already divorced or you’re still going through the process, your divorce attorney can explain what your temporary or permanent order says about the holidays. Many parents choose to do year-on-year-off schedules, while others set up more flexible schedules that allow both parents to see the children for every holiday. Knowing exactly what your custody order says can help you avoid unpleasant surprises.
Prioritize Your Children’s Experiences
For your kids, the holidays are about comfort, connection, and love—not whose year it is or how their parents feel about each other. Try to take the pressure off of specific days by making the most of the time you do have. If you have to spend certain holidays away from your child, keep the transitions calm, send them off with a hug and kiss, and plan fun holiday events on your time. Many communities have Polar Express-style events, meet-and-greets with Santa, and winter festivals that you can use to make new memories. When they come back from their time with their other parent, let them talk about the fun times they had and what they did. This builds trust and emotional security.
Plan Ahead and Communicate
Emotions may be high right now, but this is a good chance to lay the foundation for a productive co-parenting relationship. Even if your emotions are still raw, use this time to practice clear and respectful communication. Confirm schedules and travel plans in writing. If you and your co-parent have struggled to communicate effectively, consider using a co-parenting communication app like OurFamily Wizard or Talking Parents. Some of these apps have built-in “tone checkers” that notify you if something you’re about to send comes across wrong—your divorce lawyer can help you find one that suits your needs. If you and your co-parent switch days or times, confirm it in writing. This can clear up misunderstandings ahead of time.
Create New Traditions and Manage Your Expectations
During your first season as a single parent, it will be hard not to think about all the holiday traditions and experiences you once shared with your ex-partner. And really, you shouldn’t feel like you don’t have to—this is a traumatic thing to go through, and pushing yourself to heal too quickly can backfire. Spend time with close friends or family members who can give you space to grieve. This way, when you’re with your children, you can focus on creating new traditions. Ideas include:
- A special breakfast the first day they come home from their other parent’s house
- A family movie night or special gift exchange on your day
- Baking cookies for Santa
- Homemade hot chocolate
- Making “reindeer food” for Santa’s reindeer—glitter and oats you sprinkle outside before Christmas
Taking Care of Yourself
Your needs are important, too. While your children are your first priority in every decision you make, don’t forget to meet your own needs. Use your time away from your children to spend time with loved ones, practice self-care, and work on your own healing. Consider starting a personal project, volunteering, taking short day trips to places you’ve always wanted to experience, or just give yourself extra time to rest.
Get the Support You Need With Our Family Law Firm in California
Your first co-parenting holiday season will probably include some big wins and some moments you’ll wish you handled differently—and that’s okay. This will get easier as you go, and we’re here to help you through it. Schedule a consultation with a divorce attorney now by getting in touch online or calling us at 909-894-0812.
Stephen Levine, is a Board Certified Specialist in Criminal Defense — an honor achieved by only the top criminal law attorneys in California. Mr. Levine has over 40 years of experience in criminal defense and family law serving Southern California, and is a highly regarded Super Lawyer as well as AV Rated attorney.